Here’s how it went down:

Free plastic pots from HMB Nursery

Steal Ask local nursery if they have any pots they don’t need (it’s always a Yes! Take them!)

Lots of dirt.

Then, have Soil Farm deliver a shit ton of soil… but not just any soil! I have a super secret soil blend – so fabulous that throngs of screaming clients beg me for the ingredients. And for a limited time only you get them:

1 yard mushroom compost

.5 yard Nitro-infused Redwood shavings

1 scoop of the smallest Lava rock available

.5 ton Oly #2 sand

1 yard Planting Mix (they blend a couple compost with some clean top soil… it’s just for bulking up the mix)

*This gets blended together and is great for repotting or propagating plants. The rest can be used to top dress your garden’s soil.

Bag O' Cuttingz

Then! You take your pillaged cuttings and get planting!

Your result is muy, muy baby plants!

muymuy babies!

More muymuy babies!

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I was imagining what it would be like to die from a Fly Agaric mushroom… plus, my amazing paparazzi photographer, Carla, threw a little dirt on me and some got in my eye balls. I could tell right away the photo shoot was going to be amazing, since she was laughing at me and telling me how there was probably bugs in my hair – or that I was ingesting deadly mushroom spores. Nothing says professionalism, like when your photographer keeps looking down at the camera to review the shots, and says, “Ohhh man! That one is really bad. I’m going to delete it right now.”

But it’s not Carla’s fault. I lead her there under false pretenses, saying it would be a 30 minute trip to take a couple fun pic.’s of me next to these really cool mushrooms. (“let’s go! It’ll be sooo fun!”)And, I needed her to come – uh, like, now! – since rain was upon us. It probably wasn’t until she saw the pearl necklaces, wardrobe changes, and Dior lipgloss did she realize what she committed herself to.

I have been trapped by Carla many times before though. Back in the days where Carla did amazing flower arrangements – rather than amazing gardening – she would trick me to go with her to the SF Flower Market.

Carla: “Jenn do you want to come with me to the flower market!? It’ll be so fun and there are tons of flowers!”

Jenn: “Sure! That sounds great!”

Little did I know it meant getting there by 3-4AM and schlepping her bounty around like some sort of tired pack mule. It was cold and thankless… but for some reason, I’d keep going back with her… thinking maybe the next trip would be really fun.

So, I guess you could say I took a little pleasure forcing Carla to be my paparazzi for the morning. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta take pic.’s of me in dirt next to deadly mushrooms.

Uh oh, dead again next to mushroom

Happy Next To Mushroom

“Compost is the sine qua non of organic gardening and farming. But the material that San Francisco is giving away to homeowners, gardeners, and the general public is toxic sewage sludge masquerading as compost. This is why the Center for Food Safety (CFS) has petitioned the City to immediately stop its “compost giveaway events” that will spread toxic sludge to homeowners’ backyards, increasing the risk of health problems to children and the community. “I do not believe the Mayor and leadership of San Francisco can have been aware that the compost being given away is heavily contaminated with hazardous and toxic material. Now that they know I am sure they’ll stop this giveaway program,” said Laura Orlando, an adjunct professor of Environmental Health at the Boston University School of Public Health.”

Try Terracycle Plant Food. This company is awesome… all of their products are shipped in recycled containers and their plant food containers are old, plastic soda bottles. It takes recycling a step further… rather then just tossing it in a recycling container – they are actually doing the work – eliminating the pollution and expense of recycling companies. For more info check out www.terracycle.net

What I love about it: I love that its in a liquid form, and is all natural – so there is no chance of burning your little plants. It’s easy to use and great for indoors.

What sucks about it: You have to buy a lot… buy online and in bulk to avoid paying a hefty retail price.