Pilarcitos High School was in desperate need of some sprucing up! How are these people supposed to learn when there is nothing pretty outside to distract them!? Wildflower Farms (my landscape design company), donated 2, 3 pocket woolly‘s for the cause! We planted them with a mix of herbs, strawberries and cascading perennials to create a lovely textile on the wall of the school. My favorite combination to plant in these pockets, are Annie’s Annuals wild strawberries and any ol’ snap pea. They grow fast and cascade down… making it perfect for you to walk by and snap a little snack off of the stem.

Need help getting woolly’s of your own?

Would you like to donate to this school or programs like this?

Email me @ jenn@dirtygirlgarden.com or visit www.wildflowerfarms.org

I say that is a run on sentence. I also say, when it comes to a number of unimportant things, I have OCD. Case and point, the holiday season. My sister yelled at me on the phone the other day, for simply asking her what her plans were with Christmas gifts for our mom, and if she wanted to share in a big gift from the both of us. She called me a psychopath, and reminded me that Christmas was weeks and weeks away and that she didn’t want me to even mention it. She says I, “rush the seasons, you know – like those assholes at Pottery Barn”.

I hung up the phone feeling deflated and a little hungry. Deflated from my loud-mouth banshee of a sister, and hungry because it was lunch time and the ice cream I ate for breakfast did little to curb my appetite. A short time later, while inhaling a spicy tuna roll, my mind wandered back to getting my Christmas gifts under way. I love making gifts for people, and incorporating my plant agenda any chance I get. And food (or things related to food) is always good. So I figured that some good home-made gifts would include herbs… the legal kind.

Here’s what I came up with:

dried herb bottles for stocking stuffers... lavender, thyme, oregano, tarragon

i used metal plant labels as tags... adorbies!

let the herb smushing begin!

mortar and pestle

thyme stems after smushing

dried thyme, not weed.

Most everyone has at least one or two herbs growing in their gardens… this week do a little harvesting and set some bundles out to dry in a cool, some what dark place.

No herbs? No garden?

Steal some from a friend or neighbor or stranger’s house. You’ll be amazed with how much dried herbs you will get from a fresh bunch. Select a few that you know everyone loves (oregano, rosemary, thyme, sage) and bottle them. It will cure any impending holiday OCD that is creeping up on you.

bottles…. herbs…. plant tags…. mortar & pestle…

“No. It didn’t. You fucking murdered it.”

I love when someone tells me that a plant has died.

Died.

“It died”.

Plants don’t just die. They don’t have depression, anxiety attacks or the overwhelming need for Zoloft. They are not melodramatic, write goodbye letters and commit suicides. I know it’s not good practice to use a single example to validate a statement, but I’ve never once witnessed a plant, uproot its self to draft out a will and testament, and then die.

Here is what actually happens. People or things kill them. When I say people, I mean you. When I say things, I mean natural disasters, deer, gophers, or children with an affinity to stab trees with knives (***this is a real example from a consultation I went on, where the parents would let their devil child stab the trees with a knife! Can’t wait to read about that kid in the newspapers.) I find it funny when blame is placed on the plant, and not the person who is supposed to be caring for the plant. Professionally, I’m waiting for the day that zombie plants come back to life to avenge their own deaths. I would take pleasure in seeing a poorly watered primrose come back to life, and smother an unsuspecting gardener to death. Personally, I’m waiting for the day that zombie plants come back to life and give my sister a good, old-fashion what for. She doesn’t like watering. Or bees. Or when her gardenia doesn’t flower. It’s frustrating on so many levels, and I find myself summoning a zombie attack with every insipid conversation we have about her concerns for her garden. It usually ends in me trailing off about how I’ll fertilize something with something at some point… and her driving us to the nearest wine bar, and quickly changing the topic.

Plant murderers never admit to their misdeeds. And you have to be careful, they are tricky and cloak themselves under the false identities of little old ladies, mow-blow-and go gardeners, and people working in professional buildings. The poor Philodendron in your cubical (no doubt lacking real sunlight, air circulation, water and nutrients) didn’t just die. It was a victim of a full blown office assault! Or the hapless hydrangeas, though planted with what resembled care, were subsequently murdered from lack of water while sweet Grandma Jones went away on vacation, to see her grandchildren for three weeks. Grandma Jones is a murderer.

In conclusion, it didn’t just die. You killed it.

But if you’d like a list of zombie plants (plants that seem to come back to life after just about anything!) peruse below and add some of your own:

Salvia luecantha
Salvia uglinosa
Mint
Eucalyptus
Miscanthus
Morning glory
Ivy
Alyssum
Calla Lilies
Crab Grass…

*What are some others?

lav. 'grosso' about to be transplanted. wonder how they will seal my fate...

*I l o v e this time of year.

If this time of year was a man, I’d marry it. I find myself writing “Fall” over and over on my notebooks. My papers are doodled with, “Mrs. Jennifer Fall. Mrs. Jenn Fall. Mr. & Mrs. Fall.” Let’s just say if Fall was porn, I’d be subscribing to “Deciduous Studs xxx” and having a grand old time. Yep, me and Fall are getting pretty serious.

Botanically speaking, my garden is rather schizophrenic this month. On the Coast, we had a heat wave and frost in Feb, a cold summer, and the sun is just now warming up our sea-salt-soaked bones. My lavender plants have just been sheared back from their summer blooms, the annuals are filling out and flowering, but my roses, salvias and poppies are spent. Generally gazing over the whole garden, it doesn’t look bad, but not as full and flowering as was last year.

Ah well.

In my recent nursery trips, I was able to procure some fabulous black bearded iris, black calla lilies, black poppies and black pansies. As you may or may not have guessed, I’m really into planting black flowers right now. Maybe it’s my mood from the shorter days and the darkness descending, maybe it’s Halloween inspired, or maybe I just like black. Either way, it’s Fall and I’m primed for the season!

What are the Fall plans for your garden?

The seasonal change really hit me around friday of this past week. I dragged my plague infected self out of bed (sick w/ strep/cold/gnarly stomach flu for 2 weeks!) and slowly drove to HMB Nursery – top 5 places on Earth that leaves me completely happy. I gingerly pushed the cart down aisles of 4″ perennials, careful not to over do it. And by “over do it” I mean, not to barf or spend too much money. After filling up the cart, I headed up toward the register and saw the bulb boxes. For the 11th time (11 years of STILL finding myself surprised) I said, “Bulbs already!”. It is the one thing each year that reminds me another year has come and gone, and I am ever closer to that compost heap in the sky. Seriously, it freaks me out to see how bulbs are coming into nurseries earlier and earlier. I’m still picking my dahlias and now I need to think about tulips? It seems ungodly or something…

Maybe I’m just being too dramatic. What do you think about the fall/winter almost upon us? Are you finding bulbs anywhere?!

KE’s job has been pretty much a dream. Great client, great property, and all the plants are happy! This has been the weirdest year of weather, and not every project I’ve worked on have grown in as much as they normally do by this time of year. I guess the constant blanket of fog in August was not conducive to fabulous growing. In any event, this job has been great. I love deigning projects for men.

Men = foliage color.

Men = succulents.

Men = dark colors and no pink!

It’s heaven. The pic above are simple spanish lavender, agave attenuata, black smoke bush and a ‘lime light’ viburnum. The soil in this part of HMB is a gorgeous clay, loam which (minus the gophers) makes for perfect growing conditions. I’m not a huge fan of bark (shown – cedar chips) as a mulch, but it was insisted upon, and at the least smells great when you walk on it.

Wide, long bands of spanish lavender, carex grass and black iris (among others) – run along side the vast lawn. The quick growing perennials and grasses will fill in fast, creating a giant, textured sweep throughout the entire back garden. I am not a huge fan of lawn for many reasons – but if one insists upon lawn (and one did!) than No-Mow is the only way to go. Mow it once a year and it looks fabulous. Little water, even less fertilizer and it grows long and lush rapidly. It truly is the prefect lawn for a picnic or naked lounging (so I’ve been told). The pic below was after it was just installed, so it’s much shorter and yellower than it will be in a few weeks.

The dudleyas line the hand-cut, blue tumbled stone pathway beautifully. I’m excited to see them grow in and mix about with the layers of thyme and echeveria.

We left early for Succulent Gardens, located in Moss Landing… a sleepy little coast town that has always held my attention. Anything that involves the ocean, nurseries, and fish tacos – holds my attention. If you have never been to SG, you should – like – right now. Imagine greenhouses of perfectly fabulous little succulent ninjas – all ready to be bought and to kick-ass in your garden! I went there to pick out plants for a client and a personal project. It’s my 9th year of shopping there, but each time I go it’s like a kid in a candy store, writing a really big check!

The drive down is lovely, especially accompanied by your sweetie and your favorite podcast. You can’t beat driving down the HYW 1 coast line, with Swanton Berry Farm on your left, ocean on your right, and a smattering of other local farms stands along the way. You also pass the Moss Landing slough which really is beautiful. I wasn’t feeling up to hike about, but it’s on my to-do list for next time.

Succulents always seem so abundant to me… the tiniest cutting can create such a gorgeous mass of growth. Above is a picture of echeverias drying out a bit before propagation…ready for the garden in a few months.

OH! SG is having an event… check it out! Looks like all kinds of fun…

Nowadays, sex is easy to come by. A meal bought, a bottle of wine consumed and hot botanist later, you’ll find yourself blissfully falling asleep and satiated. (You can go here, here or here.) But for most plant life, sex is a bit trickier. Imagine being firmly rooted, seeing a potential mate, feeling the urge and not being able to reach out and say, “Hey, are you from Tennessee? Cause your the only ten I see!”.

Devastating, right?

Take for instance a simple Coconut Palm tree (Cocos nucifera), a tree that can grow on a beach, drop it’s fruit, ultimately getting swept away by the tides, and redeposited on another beach thousands of miles away. This coconut (not a botanical nut at all, but a fruit) can germinate and grow on a beach, so far from it’s species with only a washed up bottle of  rum, and the soft, distant melody of steel drums to keep it company.

With such a divide, it’s amazing how these trees pollinate and reproduce. Even self pollinators need some help (by wind, insects, etc.) with getting off, so to speak. However, Nature has that covered by introducing pollinators. Insects such as, honey bees, wasps, moths, flies and beetles – eat and mate within flowers, collecting pollen on their bodies, and transferring that pollen to other plants. Arguably, these pollinators act as the most successful Pimps, in the history of “Pimpdom“. Not only are the plants getting what they need – hot, nasty, throw-me-down pollination – but the insects are benefiting immensely as well. In the form of money – one might conclude. A safe place to hide in, eat from, and mate among is damn fine payment for a little exchange of plant jiz.

Although it may seem like the insect is doing all the “dirty” work, some flowers can aid the pimping process along, quite ingeniously. Take, for instance, the Yucca flaccida plant, which has evolved to attract the Tegeticula yuccasella moth. The yucca provides food for the moth’s larvae, and in exchange, the female moths pollinate. First gathering up to a dozen pollinia within the yucca flower and forming them into a golden mass with her prehensile palpi. When ready, she crawls into the flower and positions herself in such a way that her egg deposit into the flowers ovary wall (between the carpels). A single, slender egg is inserted into the flower’s ovule chamber. After laying, she takes the pollinia and draws them back and forth over the stigma, pressing pollen into the central stigmatic depression. This insures pollination of the flower in which she has deposited an egg. Germinating pollen grains send up to hundreds of sperm-bearing pollen tubes into the ovary, resulting in the fertilization of hundreds of ovules (immature seeds) inside, some of which provide food for the hungry moth larva. Sex had. Moth paid. Transaction completed.

In conclusion, in the words of the late, great Notorious B.I.G., “Pimpin’ ain’t easy, but it sure is fun!”.

A few of the BAPP’s crew have come together for a united post! For more fantastic plant/sex posts, check out – Derek‘s, Katie‘s and Rob‘s.

“Did I remember to plant that last chamomile?”. Yep.

“Was everything watered?”. Yep.

“Was the hose turned off?”. Probably.

“Do cupcakes and wine make for a sufficient dinner?”. Let’s find out…

Then I remembered my marimo friends, and how I have been a bit neglectful of them the past few weeks. It’s hard running hugecorporations, being a plant blogger socialite, and making time for your botanical BFF’s! Conveniently, the marimo are self sufficient and fairly low maintenance friends. I can breeze in for a visit with them, catching up on what they think about the latest episode of the Real Housewives or we can debate about the debt crisis. They are flexible with topics and conversation. Marimo (or Lake Balls) are a species of algae (Aegagropila sauteri), usually found (and harvested from) Japan. This underwater algae, exhales oxygen which collects as small bubbles entangled in their “fur”. When enough gas has accumulated, the marimo rises to the surface. It breaks the water with a gentle plop and rolls around languidly until most of the gas has escaped. Then it sinks to the bottom for a little R&R and to collect more bubbles. This is one of the ways it keeps it’s round shape as it grows.

Apparently, when you order these marimo from a bootleg site that no longer exists anymore and most likely stole my identity online they can be accompanied by a snail. A few weeks after I got mine, Mildred appeared. Her and I have become fast friends, and she happily rules the balls – never to escape or terrorize anything. (More on Mildred in another post…)

It’s nice being so well understood and loved by low forms of plant and molluscan life.

After we decided who was the most wretched beast on the last Real Housewives episode Ramona, and agreed dead Bees should be used as a form of American currency, I bid my marimo pals adieu for the evening, and retired to bed.

Mildred and the Marimo

BAPP-ers admiring Mildred and her balls