You really can’t go wrong with getting anything from Artifact Design & Salvage, out of Sonoma. And I’m really not just saying this to plug anyone – it’s just true. Every time I go shopping for one of my client’s while accidentally getting drunk/wine tasting in Sonoma, to find that perfect something for the garden – this is one of the meccas I travel to.

For instance, where else can you find a bunch of over sized clock/wheel thingies?

I can imagine these installed on a huge fence or to cover a boring retaining wall… nothing growing on them, but maybe a great  hedge line planted on either side?

Now mind you, everything looks a whole lot cooler when you have had a few glasses of wine in you, but either way I suggest going.

This is something you could post on your neighbors fence when they forget to weed! Although I haven’t mowed my lawn since 1942 so who am I kidding.

Those assholes trying to ruin the environment and our health at the same time Monsanto has been trying to pass genetically modified alfalfa to the USDA. This has incredibly horrendous effects on our organic food industry as a whole.

Please take (literally) 10 seconds to sign the petition and help stop this pending approval.

Go to Food Democracy Now to sign. Thanks!

But today, whilst searching for that leather club chair I need so badly, I stumbled over to the farm & garden section and found this piece of work!

Ok, try to read this nonsense:

“Yes i trap,poisin help kill
gophers[thomysedies] moles also,they become earthly active soon,now as ground is soft dont send mounds,but compress earth ,and they never leave a entrance for snakes,ever,have to get [QUEEN]as males are subordinates,and juvenile females,at first sign of tunnels,is time,ive had gophers dig 30 ft.for a plant,not any more,i do this cheaply,and i get them,So no planting is protected,but plant some tomatoes and see,radishes?i do not have to get big money as i like eliminating the issue[gophers],and i take the bodys,ive caught many,even QUEENS,Males are workers,only lead male [strongest] is allowed to breed[queen]“

**Now, I don’t take issue with killing gophers. I do feel bad since they are just trying to eat, and I don’t EVER recommend, suggest or pretend it’s ok to poison them – but if you want to trap your gopher that’s decimating the garden, go for it. But can’t we try to keep some dignity for those poor little bastards? I mean – this person clearly can’t formulate a cohesive sentence… and when people use CAPS in their posts (ok, I did it once above) it’s them YELLING AT YOU, and personally, I don’t like to be yelled at.

Gardener’s: if you want more info on getting rid of your gophers (somewhat) humanly, check the links in this sentence.

I have a challenge for the gardener’s out there:

Gardener's Challenge

Send me one of your greatest garden stories ever!

Like, the story you tell your family over and over because it’s so ridiculous. The story you think back to and wonder… why the hell do I garden in the first place?! For example:

“One of the first times I was hired to create a garden for a client I was 18 and thrilled with the thought of building a fabulous flower garden (which was really just weeding a 100 sq. foot area and tossing in a couple plants… to me – a huge job!) . Candace was my client’s name and she said she wanted tons of flowers! “Tons!!“, she reiterated. So, knowing that flowers needed lots of nutrients to bloom – I bought two yards of chicken manure and spread it throughout, roughly, 100 square feet. I realized it smelled funny but just thought more was better and I should apply it in ample amounts anyway. Then I planted an array of roses and salvias – one of the salvias (and when I say one I mean I planted ten!) was salvia uglinosa.

Once I was finished spreading the manure, planting and watering, I stepped back and took in the newly planted masterpiece I created. My client was very pleased and I went on my way. Then next day (literally) I got a call saying everything was dead. I was sure Candace was over reacting and drove there as fast as I could. But, as she said – everything was dead. The roses were burned beyond repair and the salvias looked as if someone took a torch to them in the middle of the night… oh, and I stained her driveway with the chicken manure delivery.

I had to pay to buy new plants, different compost, and do all the work for free to take away the old manure and replant everything again. After all that was done, a month later I drove buy to see everything happy again… including the salvia uglinosa! That stupid salvia was coming up everywhere like a weed! (Salvia uglinosa is on many states invasive plant list.. beware!)

Candace is still my client (ten years later) and we laugh about it to this day… she still has salvia growing in her front yard and I have never used chicken manure since. ”

The winner of this challenge gets their choice of a one gallon succulent or strawberry (already setting fruit!) AND one rose scented sugar scrub!

The winner’s story will be posted the week the contest is over, with link to their blog. Prizes will be send right away, with official certificate that your story rocked!

Contest to start: NOW

Contest to end: March 5th

Send stories to: gardenerj@gmail.com

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Viola seed pod in February

This little viola pod was just about to burst from the couple days of warm weather we had. Luckily I captured it in a glass bottle I keep for seeds. This will dry out for a bit, then be planted in the early Summer in the pots on my deck.

For another great source to buy seed online, check out www.seedsavers.org

They are a non-profit dedicated to the preservation of heirloom seed. I buy most my flower seeds here and last year’s cover crops seed for my farm. They come in excellent quality and fairly fast shipping.

Here’s how it went down:

Free plastic pots from HMB Nursery

Steal Ask local nursery if they have any pots they don’t need (it’s always a Yes! Take them!)

Lots of dirt.

Then, have Soil Farm deliver a shit ton of soil… but not just any soil! I have a super secret soil blend – so fabulous that throngs of screaming clients beg me for the ingredients. And for a limited time only you get them:

1 yard mushroom compost

.5 yard Nitro-infused Redwood shavings

1 scoop of the smallest Lava rock available

.5 ton Oly #2 sand

1 yard Planting Mix (they blend a couple compost with some clean top soil… it’s just for bulking up the mix)

*This gets blended together and is great for repotting or propagating plants. The rest can be used to top dress your garden’s soil.

Bag O' Cuttingz

Then! You take your pillaged cuttings and get planting!

Your result is muy, muy baby plants!

muymuy babies!

More muymuy babies!

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I absolutely love the flower and garden show (who doesn’t? It’s flowers and garden stuff!)…. but I do take a little issue with pictures of people gardening – when they are not dirty! It’s like, seriously? Who are you fooling. I mean it’s one thing to accidentally fall asleep in a mushroom patch wearing jewels, but it is quite another to be at a potting bench not covered in soil. Plus – that child should probably be whining about not being able to go inside and watch Barney or something, rather than perfectly posing… right? (Do kids still watch Barney?)

Beyond that – the SF Flower & Garden is fantastic and I’m going (Carla, you’re coming with… and buying me a corn dog or something.) Afterwards, be sure to tune back in about my findings….

For more info about how you can get your sweet buns to the show, go to….

www.sfgardenshow.com

I’m not a huge dianthus fan… but this one is really adorable, with tiny magenta flowers. It’s been in a fabulous little terra cotta pot on my deck… until the dogs burst out the door (which they do every time it’s time for “Let’s go potty!”) and bashed it over like a couple of filthy heathens. I have a slight suspicion that the little one, Patootie, purposefully did it out of some sort of sick revenge since I lost her favorite toy the other week. In any event, the pots broken and I finally got around to repotting it. In doing so I found that I should have repotted it… Ummm, like, months ago!

Here’s the raw footage!

Check out those crazy roots… it was spongy and completely porous.

Ohwwwweee! Sorry dianthus, now your in a five gallon, happy as a clam!

I was imagining what it would be like to die from a Fly Agaric mushroom… plus, my amazing paparazzi photographer, Carla, threw a little dirt on me and some got in my eye balls. I could tell right away the photo shoot was going to be amazing, since she was laughing at me and telling me how there was probably bugs in my hair – or that I was ingesting deadly mushroom spores. Nothing says professionalism, like when your photographer keeps looking down at the camera to review the shots, and says, “Ohhh man! That one is really bad. I’m going to delete it right now.”

But it’s not Carla’s fault. I lead her there under false pretenses, saying it would be a 30 minute trip to take a couple fun pic.’s of me next to these really cool mushrooms. (“let’s go! It’ll be sooo fun!”)And, I needed her to come – uh, like, now! – since rain was upon us. It probably wasn’t until she saw the pearl necklaces, wardrobe changes, and Dior lipgloss did she realize what she committed herself to.

I have been trapped by Carla many times before though. Back in the days where Carla did amazing flower arrangements – rather than amazing gardening – she would trick me to go with her to the SF Flower Market.

Carla: “Jenn do you want to come with me to the flower market!? It’ll be so fun and there are tons of flowers!”

Jenn: “Sure! That sounds great!”

Little did I know it meant getting there by 3-4AM and schlepping her bounty around like some sort of tired pack mule. It was cold and thankless… but for some reason, I’d keep going back with her… thinking maybe the next trip would be really fun.

So, I guess you could say I took a little pleasure forcing Carla to be my paparazzi for the morning. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta take pic.’s of me in dirt next to deadly mushrooms.

Uh oh, dead again next to mushroom

Happy Next To Mushroom

Winter's repose

I went to clip this little guy earlier today, but found him most endearing and decided to leave him instead.